


Sparkle

by handyhunter



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Crack, Gen, Sparklepires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-19
Updated: 2010-02-19
Packaged: 2017-10-07 09:31:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/63789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/handyhunter/pseuds/handyhunter





	Sparkle

"Uh, Spike?" Giles leaned over the kitchen counter to pour himself another cup of tea and straightened a few research books that were within reach. "You didn't happen to touch that box and repeat those words-" latin phrases (positively modern) inscribed on said box "-out loud, did you?"

"'Course not," Spike said, striking an innocent pose. "I leave all that watcher stuff to you, old man."

"Good. Because I'd hate to be on the receiving end of such unknown magicks."

***

". . .Bloody hell."

Giles sighed and bit back the "I told you so"s. "It'll probably wear off soon."

"What do you mean 'probably'? Undo it!" Spike undid his shirt buttons frantically. "It's getting worse!"

"Yes, I'll get right on it." Giles' dry tone was lacking its usual amount of dryness, in his effort to keep a straight face.

Buffy, Xander, Willow and Anya spilled into his living room, holding a conversation (or three) about pointy shoes and their durability for slaying, encrypted passwords and cucumbers. And then their eyes fell on Spike and the sounds of chatter faded away.

"Oh my god," said Buffy.

"My eyes, my eyes!" said Xander, peeking through his fingers.

"Were we, uh, interrupting?" said Willow, eyes darting back and forth between Giles and Spike.

"Were you two having sex?" said Anya. "Because that would make this awkward."

"Like I would-"

"What?! No!"

Spike leapt back, crashing into a pile of books and upending a chair, and Giles pulled off his glasses and began polishing them.

"Oh."

"Then why is his shirt off?"

"And why is he all. . .sparkly?"

Buffy giggled.

"Shut up, Slayer."

But that only made her laugh harder.

"Do you see?" demanded Spike. "You have to fix this! I'll be the laughing stock of every vampire from here to sodding Siberia."

Giles set his glasses on the table, whereupon they immediately refracted the light bouncing off Spike. Interesting. "I'm afraid your condition is not a pressing concern," he said, enjoying himself immensely again, "as it's neither life-threatening nor contagious. And I haven't the faintest idea where to start looking for a reverse spell."

"Not life-threatening?" Spike was beginning to sputter. He clutched his head and moaned pitifully. "Look at me. I can't-" he frowned and shook his head - "can't. . ._I can't vamp out_."

"Wow," said Willow. "This is so much better than the chip."

Xander said with glee he didn't try to hide, "Let me take a moment to not care."

Buffy hadn't recovered from the giggles yet, and this sent her off on another round. Meanwhile, Anya walked up to Spike and poked him. "Ow," she said. "Do you think you're going to keep getting solidified until you end up like a statue? I once granted a wish to turn all the men in this one village into gargoyles. By sun-up, they were trapped inside their stone bodies. Statues for eternity."

Spike stood frozen and horrified.

"But don't worry," she continued, surveying Spike up and down, "you look nothing like them. I didn't make them sparkle."

"Well," Giles said helpfully, "I could always use a centerpiece for my garden."

Having found his tongue and feet again, Spike grabbed the tattered black blanket, threw it over his head and stalked out, muttering something under his breath that Giles didn't bother deciphering. The door slammed shut behind him.

*****

A few hours later, there was frantic pounding at the door. Giles opened it obligingly and Spike rushed in, without his usual charred miasma following through.

"Hey, you're not on fire," said Willow.

"Quick, shut the door!" Spike did it himself, wrenching the door knob from Giles' hand, and slammed the locks into place.

"Is there a demon after you?" Buffy was quite sober now. "Is it Adam?"

"Worse!" Spike crossed the room and sank down on to the sofa. "All these _people_. I think I lost them, though." He shuddered. "I'd just ducked into Willy's for a quick drink - turns out I still can, so you can all stop worrying about me wasting away -" Buffy folded her arms across her chest, impatient, "- and when I came out, there's this huge gaggle of people, screaming and waving books. One of 'em got me on the head, nearly knocked me out." He rubbed the spot to emphasize his point. "Kept tryin' to explain to them that my name was Spike, or maybe they'd heard of me as William, but I didn't even _know_ any bloody vampire named Edward. All those willing snacks, and I couldn't even bite any of them," he concluded mournfully.

"Yeah, I feel for you." Buffy shook her head. "Maybe we should be looking for a way to keep you like this permanently."

"You know, it's not so bad," said Spike, studying his arm as it glinted in the light. "Can't bite people any more, but the sunlight problem's fixed, and that Edward fellow has got pints and pints of tasty morsels following him around. I should track him down; wonder if Angel knows him -- thought we knew every vampire worth knowing between the four of us, back in our day. And -- oh, thank god."

There was a _crack_ and everyone turned to stare at the innocuous looking box, now split almost neatly into two, and back at Spike again. His skin had returned to its usual texture and hue; he vamped out and touched his fangs and the ridges of his forehead in obvious relief.

"Well, that's enough of that. What's next?"


End file.
